Bloodstream
by Depraved Doll
Summary: Dean watches Castiel's light fade, watches him distort to something he's not, then he's too close to Jimmy, he's good and he doesn't remember, Dean doesn't hesitate in ripping everything away from him one last time, DeanxCas


**Bloodstream**

A week passes in a blur of harsh battles and new scars, both physical and mental, Dean sees Castiel when he closes his eyes, the angel he once new, strong and commanding, he watches his light flickering fading, watches him distort to something he's not, then he's all too familiar to Jimmy, he's good, he's pure and he doesn't remember. Dean doesn't hesitate in ripping everything away from him one last time and leaving him broken and scared, he turns his gaze away and doesn't look back, Sam doesn't speak about it, Dean wouldn't answer if he did.

They find themselves in too deep, the Leviathan are stronger than they thought, they've stumbled upon one of them whilst tracking a demon, a demon working for the creature who smiles using the face of a pretty young girl, lips too pink, teeth too white. A demon lands a lucky shot to Sam's jaw, he goes down like a ton of lead and Dean feels the vibration through the floor, the girls heels click against the floorboards as she moves to the elder hunter, her long blonde hair tumbling down her back, there's a scarf around her neck and just above the top the stretching of black veins into pale flesh. She tilts her head at an impossible angle and he sees Castiel before him for a heartbeat before she grabs his hair.

"I could rip your head off," her nails dig into his scalp and he feels one peel away from her fingertip, clattering against the floor. Dean likens them to Lucifer in this respect, they burn through bodies so quickly, too strong for the flesh of vessels and the more power they use the quicker they fade. "This one's not as strong as Castiel, he was so delicious, so much pain, so much humanity for an angel, I've never tasted one like him before." She's almost wistful in tone, he lashes out at her, knife grazing her cheek and black blood bubbles from the freshly torn wound, she throws him against the wall with a flick of her wrist, hissing at him like a cat caught in a corner. "Kill them,"

The demons move towards them, one drags Dean up against the wall and smirks, deadly twisted grins against borrowed lips. He hears Sam groan from the corner, shouts his name but doesn't receive a response. The girl chuckles, picks her nail up from the floor and presses it against her nail bed willing the nail to fuse back to the decaying form.

"They always scream for your help, but you never can, you're such a let down Dean Winchester, Castiel trusted you, I wonder where that's left him now, you know, I have all of his memories," she taps her finger to her head, "at least we're honest, we don't pretend we care about people when we clearly don't," she chuckles and the Demon latches onto Dean's neck, he growls and struggles against the creature and wonders if this is where their journey ends, he doesn't think they've had a bad run.

There's a familiar sound, the thud of feet against the floorboards and a scream from the left, not Sam, the demon, there's a chuckle from the Leviathan but it's surprised uncertain, not as sure as before. A second later and the demon holding Dean is ripped away from the hunter, he's blinded by the light that floods the creature's face and when the brightness fades it's blue eyes that meet his with a cool indifference. He can't will the name to form on his lips.

The gaze is ripped away as quickly as they met and the angel meets the Leviathan half way, she's got a blade hidden away but he meets each dive with the weapon blow for blow, with a definitive ease to the movements, he dodges her attacks, knocks the angel blade from her hand and Dean watches as it clatters across the floor, she moves to recollect it, the other catches her, brings a knife to her throat and runs the blade across the pale skin. The black blood bubbles, her eyes swell with it, flickering red and blue, he whispers a few words in a language Dean can't place, holds a vial up and slams it against the floor, it shatters and the Leviathan falls with it, she chuckles despite the blood spilling across those petal pink lips, the blood then stains the scarf and shirt, pools around her on the floor as though it will never end, it forms a pattern around her, lighting up in red and her eyes and mouth turn bright white. The blood turns red, her eyes fall closed, skin pale.

"Cas..." Dean mutters holding his hand against his neck, the angel stares at him for a moment and the hunter wonders if he's forgotten them again. He studies him for a moment, he looks like the righteous angel he had first encountered. "You ok?" the angel steps closer to the hunter, to where he's propped against the wall, he extends his hand, hesitates for a heartbeat before allowing his fingertips to brush Dean's forehead and there's no more pain, no more blood congealing under his hand. "Thanks,"

"This won't happen again," it's clear cut, harsh to the ears, "I didn't come here to save you, I came to stop her and I've no intention of heeding to your beck and call from this point on."

"Cas," the name spills from Dean's lips but echoes from Sam's, it's filled with remorse, regret, the angel's reserve doesn't falter.

"Heaven has been restored to order, father has returned, I will seal the Leviathan back to purgatory once this is done I will not return here, I know my place, I have earned my worth with my brethren, I understand the error of my ways, I understand my mistakes in trusting you."

"So you're back to being number one ranking angel," Dean hisses out,

"Father has restored my power, my grace, I am stronger, better. Less easy to lead astray, I waited for you both to come back... I have redeemed myself in the eyes of the Lord, I never belonged here, was never your friend," Dean swallows around the lump in his throat,

"Back to being heavens bitch," blue eyes narrow dangerously,

"Better that than yours" Dean's eyes don't move from Castiel's own "I gave everything for you, I've given everything I can possibly give, I have always done whatever I was asked, I have gone above and beyond the call of duty and I have never received anything in return, the times when I have requested help or needed something in return there has always been something more important," he gestures in Sam's direction but does not look at him, "There is nothing between us now, no trust, no bond, no understanding, you are cruel Dean Winchester, far from the man I once thought you to be. Do not call for me, I will not come," and just like that he's gone and Dean slides to the floor head in his hands.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, prays but does not believe the angel will hear, does not believe he will care even if he does.

He drinks more than he should, more than he did when Castiel was dead, he finds himself thinking, thinking over things he'd rather forget. He's still angry with the angel but he's far from the perfect man himself far from the perfect friend and he tries to think of a time when he paid Castiel back for everything he gave, he comes up blank. He sees Castiel before him in darkened rooms emblazoned with designs to keep him out, eyes pleading, begging him to understand to trust him, the sorrow when he refused, the isolation. He doesn't deny that he left Cas in that hospital, but he had never intended for it to be forever.

In his dreams he watches the angel smile, watches him laugh and savours the moment played out on that park bench all those years ago, he feels Castiel's hand on his shoulder, a familiar comfort that washes through his form, understanding, forgiveness, Castiel has been a constant, whenever he's really needed someone the angel has appeared even in his lowest moments when no one else has been willing to stand beside him.

Dean has betrayed the angel time and time again, in the very worst ways and his heart aches with a loss he can't quite comprehend.

"You miss him," he glances up at Sam but does not respond just twirls the glass under his fingertips, watching as the bottom catches against the table top, clicking with each rotation. "Dean," he shoots him a look that says to stop before he goes too deep, Sam doesn't heed the warning, "Why did you let him sacrifice himself?"

"I didn't know what he was going to do, not exactly,"

"Would you have stopped him?"

"I was going to make it right,"

"We're always trading each other like cards, when does it end Dean?"

"What he did..." he clutches the glass so hard he's surprised it hasn't shattered, splintering into his palm. The betrayal is still so fresh like a blade through his chest, he's sown it but it reopens with each movement.

"Is it worse than what we've done? Can angel's not be desperate, we're not good friends Dean, we spend so much time dealing with our own problems we never even thought about him." Sam sits opposite head in his hands, "we never saw him as more than a weapon,"

Castiel was desperate Dean should understand that better than anyone.

"He sacrificed himself for me, for us, does that not count for anything," Dean doesn't respond, "obviously it does in Heaven,"

He should be able to forgive him, to move on, he always expected so much from Castiel, as long as he was good, Dean knew he was doing something right. Maybe he had missed the turning point, where Cas had become too human, too lost, Dean had once said he was there when the angel needed him, the hunter was a liar, to himself more than anyone.

_I'm sorry... _

Apologies don't count for much, Dean remembers the look in Castiel's eyes, the wall of tears, the vulnerability, the plea for help, Dean had turned his back on his angel and the world had unravelled from there. He reaches for the image of Castiel before he remembered who he was, when he realised it was he who had betrayed the hunter and the pain that had been at the forefront of his mind, shimmering in those too blue eyes.

The months pass, they trail the Leviathan but when they reach it they meet a body covered in blood, the tell tale signs that Castiel has been before them. They spend a long time trying to catch up to the angel, trying to get ahead, trying to reach out to him, Castiel keeps to his word, he doesn't come when Dean calls, not any more, Sam makes a joke of it one day and the pain is too fresh, the silence echoes in the expanse between them for days. Sam starts to liken him to a brooding teen who's lost his crush, says he can't blame the angel for ignoring them.

He allows a demon to get close to killing him, thinks he'd have let him finish him off if Sam hadn't turned up, he had hoped the near demise would tempt the angel to his side, he's foolish, the angel is his guardian no further, even the hand print burnt into his shoulder is beginning to fade.

He takes far too many painkillers, mixes them with sleeping pills once the wounds are bandaged and stitched and takes a swig of jack to wash it all down. Sleep comes quickly and he's not sure if he ever expects to wake up, he's not sure how he expects Castiel to forgive him when he refused to forgive the angel.

In his dreams he's sat in front of a river on a park bench, a shadow falls over him a figure beside him that blocks the sun from his face.

"What are you trying to do," those eyes are always so painfully blue, so shockingly beautiful and Dean's willing to drown in them, he doesn't know if this is really Castiel or a figment created by too many drugs and a mixer of alcohol, a helpful handful of pain sprinkled on top. "Are you trying to kill yourself to get my attention?"

"You won't let me die," he still has this much faith in Castiel, the angel touches his shoulder and all the pain swiftly fades, as if Castiel has taken it into himself.

"I'm not as cruel as you can be," he sits beside Dean, his eyes turned away, stopping the hunter from reading him. "I don't abandon my friends, whatever you may think, I can't keep allowing you to torture me for mistakes I feel I have made up for. I am worth more than you give me credit for,"

"Do you know why I feel so betrayed by you Cas," the angel doesn't look at him, Dean studies his profile the way the sun washes across his face, he can't pinpoint the moment when Castiel became so beautiful to him. "I've always expected so much more from you," blue eyes fall to clash with soft hazel,

"You more than anyone, have moulded me to what I am, you chose to make me feel, to show me humanity, yet you have rejected me for the most human thing I have ever done, the mistake born of desperation to save a world you told me deserved to be saved. I can't understand what you want from me, what you expect of me. Of everyone, I needed you to stand beside me, to believe in me as I did you, for once," He tries to read through Castiel's defences there is nothing he can grasp for concealed perfectly behind icy blue. "I used to think that you cared, that this exchange wasn't one way, though I've come to realise the moment I'm of no use to you Dean I become useless to you."

There's a hint of anger in the angel's tone the authority bleeds from him, he seems so real, so touchable but Dean's uncertain if it could just be a trick of his mind.

"This is ridiculous how do I even know this is you? You don't come when I call, you don't speak to me, lets try to work this out, please,"

"I tried Dean you made it clear you were not interested in my sympathies, in my remorse,"

"We can't just bury this and ignore it Cas!"

"I will never understand what you want from me," Castiel seems exasperated and just like that he's gone and Dean's bolting awake, he almost thinks it's all a dream, almost, until he sees the wounds that scattered his arm have gone and the pain in his head has faded, leaving little more than the dull ache in his chest.

He misses Castiel.

They spend weeks on the road, Dean's a man on a mission and they stop only to sleep if it's absolutely necessary, they discover only one Leviathan is left alive, his last chance to convince Castiel that he is still worthy of the angels consideration.

Their plan takes an unexpected turn, they're jumped by several demons and taken to a small church on the outskirts of the town, Dean suspects this is where the final Leviathan is holed up. They're kicked to their knees in front of a tall well dressed suit of a man, he studies Dean for a long time before talking and he wonders what is crossing through the creatures mind, he crouches before the hunter, the pristine suit creasing slightly with the bend of his knee.

"Dean Winchester I hear that you've come to kill me, your attempt has not been too successful, this concerns me, I had assumed it was you and your sibling that had killed my family. Now I'm not too sure, I've sent people to kill you and yet here you are alive and well, not a mark, who's been watching over you?" He chuckles voice deep and strong and he stands with a smirk on his face, "I've been missing something," he paces before them, shoes expensive leather and shined to perfection. He stops, stares straight into Dean's eyes, as if reading his soul, "Castiel? How interesting, after everything I learnt from him why would he still care about you? These new angels are such fools," the Leviathan all but snarls, leaning close as if telling Dean a heavily guarded secret.

"What are you talking about?" Dean growls, more than fed up of the self righteous smirk that is focused on him from a creature wearing some poor man that's only salvation will come from it burning through his flesh. He remembers the Leviathan all those months ago the pretty blonde with the pink lips explaining how she knew all of Castiel's memories and he assumes this is true of this creature too. Sam's eyes flicker between them as he tries to work out how to get them out of this alive.

"I know that he begged for your forgiveness, that he needed you to understand, you never believed him either of you, and yet he was telling the truth because everything he did, he did for you," He stares at Dean, smirk widening impossibly, "it was so easy for us to cling to those doubts and to overpower him, his heart and soul so weakened, so desperate for guidance, acceptance, for friendship, in the end he begged for us to tear him apart."

"Shut up," the creatures kneeling beside Dean now, his elation at the other's discomfort plastered across his face.

"You are so cruel Dean, all he ever wanted was you, and you refused him at every turn, you could have stopped all this a thousand times, but deep down you're still that man tearing people apart in hell and you enjoyed seeing that angel suffer, and suffer he did." the creature reaches out touches his forehead and his mind is flooded with images fed through the Leviathan's mind. He sees Castiel at his lowest his most desperate, crumpled on a the floor afraid of the thing he has become, he meets harsh judgement in Dean's eyes and the Leviathan feed on the pain that floods his bones. He sees the angel stood alone, begging for guidance, watches himself be watched through Cas' eyes, he feels the desperation as though it were his own.

"_stand beside me the one time I ask," _It's almost tears, it's choked sobs in an aching throat and a plea for him to see, to understand he's not superman, that he's as breakable as everyone else, that he needs help because he's in too deep.

Dean groans against the images, the pain and the blood bubbles in his throat.

"We tricked him, can't you see this was the plan from the very beginning, he was so desperate, so lost, he didn't take much convincing and Crowley can be so persuasive when given the right incentive."

He feels the doubt from Castiel's mind, the fear, the beatings from Raphael, the hopelessness.

He watches his back turn on the angel, the loneliness is all consuming and he's little more than a shell, working on autopilot and he'll do whatever he needs to save the world, to save Dean.

"You demanded he be killed, all he ever wanted was you," the blood spills onto Dean's lips, he coughs against the thick substance coating his lungs and the crimson liquid splatters across pristine white and expensive grey silk. The Leviathan's smirk is wide, he fills Dean's mind with all the information they had devoured from Castiel, every last ounce of pain and heartache, the slight jealousy in regards to Sam, the desperation to make the hunter proud, to be something he thought he needed to be.

He's choking on the blood and the Leviathan smirks harshly forcing more onto the hunter, the longing looks, secretly watching, waiting from the sidelines, always coming to the rescue, always being brushed aside. He thinks he's going to die here, with this creature leering over him forcing him to watch his mistakes and the results over and over. He remembers one of his own, a terrified Castiel, cowering in the corner of an asylum, bloodied trench coat wrapping tightly around him, a few hours before he'd been blissfully unaware of everything, then he looked so small, so alone, Dean thought he might break if he touched him. He left him there.

"How terribly cruel you are Dean Winchester, Hell taught you well," the Leviathan pulls away from him and there's a moment of coughing blood onto the floor, the images continue for some time, slowing and fading and the room begins to come to focus.

"I'd love to say I'm surprised to see you brother but I'm not," he can hear Sam calling his name, blocks the younger out as he pulls himself to his knees, glancing from the smirking Leviathan to the door behind them, to the angel that stands there, perfect and determined.

"Step away," the words are crisp unmistakable, hands are clenched into fists at his side, body rigid and prepared for a fight.

"You still care for these humans even after everything they've done to you, it's ridiculous, they will do nothing but hurt you, come with me brother, we can start a new world, a better world, we will love you, we will never forsake you." He extends his hand to the angel, smile suddenly warm and sincere. Dean shifts to look at his angel, staring into those two blue eyes.

"Don't Cas, please, they set this up from the beginning, I'm sorry I didn't believe you, that I couldn't stop you but you're better than this, you always have been." The Leviathan snarls, kicks the hunter, the blood bubbles past his lips again cutting off his plea to the angel.

"It's all lies Castiel, when have the ever showed they care about you, they left you to rot in that asylum once they had what they wanted, you are a means to an end, they will always tire of you,"

"We were coming back for you Cas, you know that," Sam rationalises and the Leviathan snarls, flick of his wrist flinging the younger Winchester across the room.

"I see myself in you Castiel, why do you think we fell as we did? We loved our father we loved these creatures of his, yet they are so cruel, so wrong, now all we want is to devour every last one of their wicked hearts." It grabs Dean by the throat, holding him high off the floor and crushing, the hunter struggles against the grip. "I will kill him for you my beloved brethren,"

_You're his weakness, he likes you, _

_I was getting too close to the humans in my charge, you, _

"Put him down," Castiel demands and Dean is dropped to the floor with a thud, the angel moves slamming the Leviathan into the wall, the creature snarls as it pulls itself from the rubble, dust covering the perfect texture of the suit.

"So that's how this ends," the dark haired male rushes for the angel, lashes out and lands a nasty punch which sees the angel leaving a substantial crack in the floor. The Leviathan pulls him up, snarling with pointed teeth and ink like saliva pouring from his mouth. "He will always hurt you," Castiel rips himself from the creatures grasp, they dance around one another, dodging each other's attacks and there's a trickle of blood from Castiel's lip from a very nasty punch that landed. They seem very evenly matched, the angel struggling to keep the upper hand as the battle continues and they both begin to waver, Cas with exhaustion and the Leviathan as it's vessel begins to break apart.

"You think they care about you Castiel, they never even looked for you," He turns and points at Dean, "_He _only came to you when he needed something and left you when you'd done the job"

"Regardless I don't make the same mistakes twice," in that same breath he reaches out to the Leviathan slicing his throat and the black blood covers the flesh and suit almost instantly, he begins chanting slams the vial against the floor. He continues to stand in that place long after the Leviathan is gone, long after the body becomes that of some poor unknown man.

"Cas," Dean all bust whispers from behind the angel, Sam's gone to find the last demon and for a moment there's silence between the two of them. Then blue eyes fall to stare at Dean, he can't read a single thing Castiel is thinking, "I'm sorry,"

"Someone once made a point of insinuated that an apology is useless if neither party gains anything from it. So tell me, does it make you feel better Dean?" The hunter shakes his head to indicate it does not, "me neither. The Leviathan are back in purgatory, Sam is well, the world is safe, you have everything you have ever wanted Dean so let's leave it like this," Dean steps closer to the angel, places a hand on his shoulder,

"Don't leave," he's all but begging now, "we can work this out, I... I saw what I did, how you felt, I didn't know Cas if I had..."

"If you had what Dean, you'd have trusted me, stopped me, killed me?" they're so close now that Dean can feel the angel's breath brushing across his lips.

"We would have worked something out, you can't leave like this Cas, not now, please," blue eyes well slightly, shimmering in the dim light of the setting sun.

"There's nothing here for me Dean..." a pause, a heartbeat, "I loved you once," it's an admission that seems hard formed on the angel's tongue, as if saying it breaks some long time code.

"Not any more?" Dean's heart sinks slightly,

"I don't know where we could possibly go from here, after all of this, you don't trust me and I feel so used by you," Dean doesn't really think, he pulls the angel to him and allows his lips to brush across Castiel's the angel doesn't respond just allows the hunter to press their lips together. The hunter moves his hand to cup the angel's face, feels the moisture of a stray tear tumble across his palm, he thinks in the end he was always destined to hurt Castiel, although he didn't fall like the future he had seen he was definitely broken in some description. They part and for a moment Dean rests his head against Castiel and the angel allows it.

Castiel's eyes are so blue and he leans in again, the kiss more desperate he grips the hair at the base

of the angel's neck, his tongue sweeping across slightly chapped lips and meeting Castiel's, he savours the moment as if this is the last time they will ever be together. They part only when oxygen is a must and Dean's hand lingers against Castiel's flesh for a heartbeat longer.

"I'm sorry," Dean explains and he really means it, Castiel stares back at him a slightly wistful smile,

"As am I," with that the angel's gone leaving Dean stood alone, he runs his hand across his face and slumps against the wall.

_Not sure how I feel about this, I just needed to write something to half resolve the issues of 7x17, I felt so sorry for Castiel it just broke my heart everything he's done for those two and they just leave him there and it really does feel like they use him when they need him and could care less when they don't, Cas needs more love, rant over, I think there's a long way to go before things can be as they were between Dean and Cas but hopefully this would help to bridge the gap just a little bit _

_Hope you enjoy..._


End file.
